To Be Real

IMG 0484

Well, I was all excited to show you the progress I made on Tesori last night. Unfortunately, I uploaded the wrong photo of it (I ended up with the last update on my thumb drive, not last night’s). So, you’ll have to hang in suspense for a little longer. I finished up the motif I’d been working on and did one other. Tonight I should be able to make further progress. The week of craziness at work is almost over – I’ve been frantically trying to get my end of year stuff done (since I have to get all my accomplishments into my boss this week – which seems a little premature since it is not the end of the year). I hope to get back to my blog reading soon!!

To answer a couple of questions from my last post… no, Eric doesn’t read my blog unless I make him (like to read all the wonderful birthday wishes you left for him). So, I am relatively safe discussing Tesori and other related gift items. I have two other friends that occasionally check in on the blog, but other than that – no one in my “in person” circle of people reads this. Maybe that’s for the best. And although Baby Garden is a gift too, if I didn’t talk about it on the ole blog, what the hell would I have talked about for the past year. That’s the majority of what I’ve stitched on!! So, if I end up outing myself for posting about gifts, so be it. I’m gonna keep on keepin’ on.

Secondly, several of you asked about the Taco Soup recipe. It can be found here. It is yummy and I have it with me for lunch today! And you might as well mark it down on your calendar that I have cooked twice recently. That’s a big deal!

0757305911.01. SCLZZZZZZZ

Yesterday I read a book (yes a book in a day, wonders never cease). I read Crazy Aunt Purl‘s book and thoroughly enjoyed it. I do enjoy her blog more, but this was of course condensed and intended to tell the story of her journey since divorce. My only hang up about the book was that she ceased to refer to her ex as “Mr. X”, which I thought was more appropriate than the name he is referred to in the book. But that’s just me. The book though made me really think a lot (which is maybe not the best thing to be doing when your husband is several states away). What I love about Laurie’s blog, which I may have mentioned before, and her book is that I can so totally relate to what she went through. When my own Mr. X joined a cult and up and left me (no I am not kidding), I went through a lot of the same things that Laurie went through. I didn’t gain weight so much after or because he left, but gained it while we were married (65 pounds to be exact). I was completely trying to hide, to be unnoticeable, to insulate and protect myself – I was miserable. His leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me really, although there are times it didn’t seem like it. Like when I was home alone in my little one bedroom apartment, and all my friends were with their families (husband, kids), and I felt I had no family. I spent an entire weekend winding all of my DMC onto those little plastic bobbins in order to try to shut out the loneliness. When I got to the point where I was ready to start dating again, I had no single girlfriends to turn to, so I traipsed through that mine field alone. But, it was better than being married to someone that I didn’t want to be with, but was with for the sake of being Married. The only regret that I sometimes feel is that I wasted so much time with my Mr. X, and that when I met him my life took a complete detour. It’s like I was on the highway of my life, and I got off and stopped at this truckstop for 8 years. Now I am back on the highway. I just sometimes wish I had those 8 years back. But, 8 years earlier I would not have been the woman I am now, and probably woudn’t have found Eric. 8 years earlier, he would probably not have been the right person for me either. So, it all happens exactly as it is supposed to, and I do completely believe that I create my own reality. So, I hope that I have learned some of the things I set up in that situation to learn. Some of them I am still learning. I still struggle with discounting myself and not wanting to be seen. I still find that it is so hard to take good care of myself, because somewhere deep down I still feel like I’m not worth it. But, I am working everyday on trying to take care of myself. I quit smoking seven (almost eight) years ago. I take my vitamins every day, and try to make myself drink water. I watch what I eat (except for between 2 and 5 at the office – that seems to be my weak time and I seem to lose all control of what I put in my mouth). I workout four times a week at the gym. I’ve lost 35 pounds of that 65. I’ll still have a ways to go after I lose that, but losing that 65 is so important to me. I count my lucky stars that this month marks five years that I have been divorced. I also cannot express the gratitude I have that I was able to be the woman that I became after 2002, and that I found someone like Eric who appreciates it. And now, like I said, I am still facing new challenges. I am trying to really live in my life, and not just go through the motions. I am trying to really make our house a home, and be grateful for the people, things, situations in my life. I am trying to be healthy and have my outside match my inside. I am trying to be able to fit in my boots that zip up. So, once again, I find myself grateful for Laurie and her willingness to live out loud and tell the truth and also to pick herself up and be fabulous. I’m working on it.

Ok, so now that you’ve gotten yourself an earful about stuff other than stitching, if you’re still around, I’ll reward you with some photos of Philadelphia. Since we are getting ready to take our trip to NY, I figured I’d better get on the ball and finish sharing these with you (yes, there are still more).

IMG 6297

The photo way up at the top of this mucho long-winded post is outside the Betsy Ross house. In the center of the courtyard there is this little well I guess, and on top of it is this fabulous cat statue. The house above is the Betsy Ross house. I really enjoyed the tour of the house and I liked some of the detail and information they give you about textiles at that time.

IMG 0443

We also visited the Masonic Temple, which was such a cool tour. It was like taking a walk through art history. Each meeting room is done in a different style – Egyptian, Medieval, Renaissance, Greco-Roman, etc. And our tour guide looked a little like John Cleese, and was so intelligent and witty.

IMG 6283

A door-knocker. I thought these were so cool.

IMG 6250

It was a little difficult to get good photos in there because of the lighting, but the place is really amazing.

IMG 0464

Look at this ceiling – golden stars.

IMG 0465

So, I will leave you with that for today, and hope that I have not scared away everyone with my “thinking”. It’s just an interesting place to be. I’ve been through so much of what Laurie recounts in her book, some of the things she is experiencing I have not experienced and may never. I cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like to go to Paris with three girlfriends. I cannot imagine what it is like to have three girlfriends. Ah well. I have a good life, and as I become a better me, we’ll see what’s out there.

Breathe, and reboot.

I am grateful for the voicemail waiting for me at this office this morning.

22 thoughts on “To Be Real”

  1. Michelle, you are so brave to share your story with all of us. I understand a little of what you mean about wasting that time, but more importantly, I understand what you mean about not being the person you are now and potentially not finding Eric if it weren’t for those experiences. I know that I had to go through a bad long-term relationship in order to find and appreciate Terry. The me that I was before that experience wouldn’t have looked twice at him. *BIG hugs* coming your way!

  2. Michelle, you are so brave to share your story with all of us. I understand a little of what you mean about wasting that time, but more importantly, I understand what you mean about not being the person you are now and potentially not finding Eric if it weren’t for those experiences. I know that I had to go through a bad long-term relationship in order to find and appreciate Terry. The me that I was before that experience wouldn’t have looked twice at him. *BIG hugs* coming your way!

  3. Anna van Schurman

    “I am trying to be able to fit in my boots that zip up.” If only we could be the women that bootmakers think we are! I think we can all find a little bit o’ something in Laurie’s book. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Anna van Schurman

    “I am trying to be able to fit in my boots that zip up.” If only we could be the women that bootmakers think we are! I think we can all find a little bit o’ something in Laurie’s book. Thanks for sharing.

  5. I think you ARE fabulous! Wish I could just hug your neck because girl, you got it goin’ ON!
    Thanks for sharing about part of your life’s journey, I didn’t know that about you and reading it all makes me appreciate your attitude even more!
    You’re the definition of an amazing woman Michelle! Keep on keeping it real, you’re doing just fine!

  6. I think you ARE fabulous! Wish I could just hug your neck because girl, you got it goin’ ON!
    Thanks for sharing about part of your life’s journey, I didn’t know that about you and reading it all makes me appreciate your attitude even more!
    You’re the definition of an amazing woman Michelle! Keep on keeping it real, you’re doing just fine!

  7. You really said it when you compared your years with your X as being a detour from your real life – that’s exactly how I feel about my experience. And being lonely?! I’d go to the zoo with my son (who was just a baby then) and look at all the seemingly happy families and just wonder what on earth I’d done wrong. Sigh. Divorce, no matter how “right” it is, is never easy. But the life you can develop afterwards … aaaahhh! 🙂

  8. You really said it when you compared your years with your X as being a detour from your real life – that’s exactly how I feel about my experience. And being lonely?! I’d go to the zoo with my son (who was just a baby then) and look at all the seemingly happy families and just wonder what on earth I’d done wrong. Sigh. Divorce, no matter how “right” it is, is never easy. But the life you can develop afterwards … aaaahhh! 🙂

  9. You brave girl for telling it all. Don’t think of those 8 years as a waste.. Congratulations on the weight loss and taking control of your life and putting yourself first. You are worth it!

    We have Taco Soup at least once a week in our house! It’s my husband’s favorite. Sending you high fives for taking back your life!

  10. You brave girl for telling it all. Don’t think of those 8 years as a waste.. Congratulations on the weight loss and taking control of your life and putting yourself first. You are worth it!

    We have Taco Soup at least once a week in our house! It’s my husband’s favorite. Sending you high fives for taking back your life!

  11. Thanks for the soup recipe!!! Those photos of Philly are gorgeous. I related a lot to your story too… been to hell and back when I was younger {{{HUGS}}}

  12. Thanks for the soup recipe!!! Those photos of Philly are gorgeous. I related a lot to your story too… been to hell and back when I was younger {{{HUGS}}}

  13. Michelle, you are to be commended for taking care of yourself. I also find that difficult to do. I was married to a narcissist for 10 years and I totally relate to what you wrote about your divorce experience ~ even though I had 2 little ones. But none of our experiences are for naught. And I think you are already fabulous, you just haven’t realized it yet. Keep up the good work!

  14. Michelle, you are to be commended for taking care of yourself. I also find that difficult to do. I was married to a narcissist for 10 years and I totally relate to what you wrote about your divorce experience ~ even though I had 2 little ones. But none of our experiences are for naught. And I think you are already fabulous, you just haven’t realized it yet. Keep up the good work!

  15. Michelle, that is truly a heartfelt post and I honestly admire you in so many ways. I think what you wrote is truth. You had to have the struggle and strife to be the person you are today and find the love and happiness that you deserve. Life isn’t easy and its a day to day existence in some cases, but in the end what you live through makes you what you are and from where I’m standing – I think your pretty darn fabulous!

    I asked if your husband read your blog because mine sure doesn’t! LOL!

  16. Michelle, that is truly a heartfelt post and I honestly admire you in so many ways. I think what you wrote is truth. You had to have the struggle and strife to be the person you are today and find the love and happiness that you deserve. Life isn’t easy and its a day to day existence in some cases, but in the end what you live through makes you what you are and from where I’m standing – I think your pretty darn fabulous!

    I asked if your husband read your blog because mine sure doesn’t! LOL!

  17. Michelle, I wish I could half as interesing as you are and the many things you do. I think you are really living your life now-take a deep breathe and enjoy it.

  18. Michelle, I wish I could half as interesing as you are and the many things you do. I think you are really living your life now-take a deep breathe and enjoy it.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.